Stop falling for people because of their future potential.
As a kid, I had this weird notion of being with someone who is serious about their life. To be honest, I still am. I would think some of my notions would’ve changed as an adult, but it hasn’t happened yet.
I didn’t attend school much as I mainly stayed at home, but my early school crushes (I only had two) consisted both of top A students. Why? Well, because they had the highest chances of making it through life in a good way, or successful way. Are they ultra-successful today? Who am I to say who or what is successful? But that’s not the point of what I’m writing.
I always ended up catching an eye for people who could be of high integrity, and successful, and hoping with some minor fixes, that could make them perfect. They weren’t successful yet or had “made it,” but they could be — with the right determination, navigation, and support. That is a big mistake I’ve made in my love life. If they wanted to make it, they would’ve made it. You can’t force people to do anything.
There’s a saying: “You can tell how much you love yourself by the partner that you’ve chosen.” Would you see it as a compliment or an insult? That should give you clarity. Would that make you proud? Because in the end, we accept the love we think we deserve.
The degree to which a person can grow is directly proportional to the amount of truth they can accept about themselves without running away. And that is a huge problem I see nowadays, people want to know the truth but don’t want to hear or listen to it.
So here’s my 2 cents — Don’t search for someone who can give you the world; look for someone willing to sacrifice their own for you. True love is found in selfless deeds, not just empty promises.
Stop falling for people because of their future potential.
It’s easy to get swept up in the idea of what someone could become. We think that with a bit of support, encouragement, and time, they’ll blossom into that perfect partner. But what if they don’t? What if they never become that person you’ve built up in your head? It’s unfair to expect someone to change into your ideal version of them. Love should be about appreciating who they are right now, not who they might be one day.
The biggest trap is being with someone’s potential. One thing to ask often is if nothing changes, could you accept them as they are now? Often, the answer is no. Often, most people will never meet that potential. It’s an exhausting journey to wait around for it to happen. Find what you want now and be with that. There are people living their potential today.
Don’t date for potential. Date someone who is already showing you the characteristics of someone who you want to be with. Hoping someone will change and become the person you have fantasized about, firstly, is unfair to them and will only leave you resentful. Date for who they currently are. Do you love them or do you love the version of them you hope they become?
It’s taken me years to understand this. I used to believe that with a little bit of effort, anyone could reach their highest potential. But what I failed to see was the present. I missed out on appreciating who they were at that moment, flaws. So, here’s a piece of wisdom: cherish the now. Love someone for who they are today, not for who they might be tomorrow.
Your heart will thank you for it.
