Heartbreak is our greatest teacher & if so, thank you for making me wise.
I’m currently sitting in my Anatomy and Physiology class where the professor is lecturing about neurons, brain activity, and heart. And here I am thinking… after all these years of research, funding, and science, we do not understand why heartbreak hits us like a colossal truck.
I mean there’s nothing like heartbreak, is there?
Till now, I’ve broken ribs, ankle, foot, knee, ligament tear, left wrist, been hospitalized three times in life (That’s a story for another day), and yet I’d rather take all this AGAIN than go through a heartbreak. Nothing has butchered me emotionally, psychologically, and mentally than a heartbreak.
But why? Why does something like this impact us so significantly?
I’d rather have a broken arm than a broken heart. — Christie Brinkley
Did you know that heartbreak triggers the same areas of the brain as physical pain? Heartbreak is a very strange distress. It is exquisitely painful, and yet we cannot find an injury on our body.
I’ve been there, in my bed, pining over someone who did not give me a second thought. Heartbreaks hurt so badly because we cared, then, we yearned for their touch, their presence and wanted nothing more than to be around them. We want to stay in bed, with our comfort food and don’t want to talk to anyone. Sometimes it’s just easier to slip into your dark abyss and forget the world exists.
If there was a pill that we could just pop and if we could get over a heartbreak, it would be bonkers! I might start researching it right now after I finish writing this. I certainly have a background in STEM for that. The person who finds a cure for heartbreak as a pill/injection would practically print cash and be an overnight trillionare. Honestly, if something like it comes out, I’m sure it will go out of stock and people will line up outside pharmacies like a new iPhone coming out. I know I would camp outside the pharmacy.
Sidebar — My wrongdoing.
The woman in question for me was the drug of my choice, and the heartbreak felt like a dealer was giving out hits for free. I’d stay until I overdosed. As a man, writing this, it feels weird. It hurt so much because I cared, I worried about her, and I couldn’t stop thinking about her, of all the women in the world, I wanted her attention. I stopped responding to anyone reaching out to me — I wanted nothing of it. I sent the most weird texts I’ve ever sent anyone, completely out of my normal character, almost to the point of desperation. Yes, that's right. I said it, I meant it, that I did it. She did not block me — rather said she did not want any communication since then. In retrospect, I deserved it, I did not handle rejection well. But it hurt. It hurt like nothing before. She was her own person and chose to do as she pleased. Irrespective of what I felt, how hard I felt, how much I felt, it did not matter to her, she did not OWE me anything.
Since that day, I decided — No love, No people, Just my career, my research, my books, and to hell with the world. I learned how people act and behave so that I can avoid the circus altogether.
Love, it’s a chemical reaction that comes and goes. Here’s the good news, so is heartbreak. Your brain adjusts. Your body chemistry changes back to normal. Heartbreak does leave a scar though. We tend to think of scars as ugly or imperfect, as things we want to hide or forget. But they never go away.
I’m a writer at heart, and yet words fail to describe what a person going through a heartbreak goes through. Hell, I even currently study biology after studying engineering. I still feel an absolute dumb dumb while writing this down. But in the aftermath of all the pain and sorrow, heartbreak teaches us lessons that no school or textbook ever could. It’s like taking a master class in resilience and emotional intelligence.
The first time when learning to ride a bicycle we fall, we get a bruise or a scrape. It hurts, we bleed a little, maybe even cry. But over time, those scars toughen up, and the next time we fall, it doesn’t hurt as much. Heartbreak is similar. The first time your heart is broken, it feels like the end of the world. But as time passes, you start to heal and learn. You develop emotional resilience, and a deeper understanding of yourself and what you seek in relationships.
Even though heartbreak feels like a deep, insurmountable chasm, think of it as the grandest teacher. With every heartbreak, you’re not just collecting emotional scars; you’re amassing wisdom. Those scars? They’re your battle trophies, proof that you faced the most formidable adversary — emotional pain — and came out stronger.
When we were kids and touched a hot stove, we immediately withdrew our hands. It burned, but that experience taught us never to touch it again. Heartbreak, in a way, is like that stove. It burns, but it also teaches. It makes us introspective and helps us understand what we want, and more importantly, what we don’t want.
So to the person who broke my heart, I want to say:
thank you. You unknowingly became my greatest teacher. You gave me an experience that reshaped my heart, and my soul, and made me wiser. So, when someone tells me heartbreak is the worst thing that could happen to them, I try to remind them of its silver lining.
The Silver Lining
The sting of heartbreak is indeed a universal language. It’s like when the leaves turn in autumn. They change — stunningly, painfully — preparing to drop away. They don’t just die; they complete a cycle necessary for growth. That’s what heartbreak does to us — it’s a cycle that is crucial for our personal growth, and our emotional evolution.
Think of it this way - A muscle must tear to grow stronger. We hit the gym, and with every weight we lift, we create tiny micro-tears in our muscles. It hurts, and we feel sore, but then the body repairs, and those muscles build back stronger. Emotionally, heartbreak is our psyche’s gym. It tears us apart but then we build back — stronger, more resilient. Probably, not a good analogy but you get the point.
Tearing our hearts apart
Having your heart torn apart makes you more compassionate. It’s as if you’ve joined a silent fellowship of souls who have known loss. There’s no need for words when you understand the language of loss. Your very being becomes a testament to the fact that one can survive & thrive.
Even in the throes of heartbreak, when the sun seems to refuse your window and the mornings are hardest to face, there’s something quietly powerful at work. It’s the resilience being etched into your character.
There is this saying: Time heals everything, including heartbreak. I don’t like it. I feel we just learn to live with it. And with each passing day, the current day becomes better than the previous.
